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last online Apr 26, 2024 17:38:02 GMT -7
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May 2, 2017 19:58:12 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on May 2, 2017 19:58:12 GMT -7
@jill7
Maria had never felt so desperate before in her life. Normally she swallowed these feelings and pushed past them. Focused on some other emotion. But right now probably her deepest, and most powerful fear was growing, building in intensity. Abandonment. Of losing everything she cared about and being left alone. She'd already experienced that pain once, she never wanted to feel it again. But that was exactly what was happening. That crippling feeling of loneliness. Of feeling lost, and powerless and having no one to turn to. Everything haunting her... It was all a part of that building isolation. Visions of people she already lost and being blamed for their deaths. her grandparents tormenting her and reminding her of how she wasn't important to them. Elias leaving her. Even the cockroaches that no one else could see, or help her fight. They all she made her feel very, very alone.
Desperately she tried to focus on the one thing she knew was real. Samuel. She'd begged him not to leave her, and his answer was one of agreement. That slight comfort she felt in the answer was probably the only positive thing she'd felt since this had all started a few hours ago. Swallowing hard she nodded, keeping her eyes closed. It seemed almost silly how it was easier to focus on him when she didn't see him, but that was because she didn't have to fight the hallucinations then. She could concentrate on his voice and any contact he made. There was a pressure just to side of her thigh, it must be him sitting on the bed, and then a hand near her face, running through her hair. Normally she would have been appalled at what he was doing, simply because of the state of her hair. She was such a vain person and despite having an intense natural beauty (from her Veela blood) she rarely went without at least an hour spent on her appearance. But she didn't care. She'd never admit it aloud but she'd pick not being alone over pretty any day (though it wasn't really possible for her not to be pretty..).
Samuel kept talking, about anything and everything. And it was quite possibly the most soothing thing she'd ever heard in her life. Just because it helped quiet the voices. While she was speaking she somehow seemed to realize his other hand was close to one of her own. Her wrists being restrained didn't give her much slate but there was just enough for her to extend her fingers, the tips brushing against his hand lightly. "Keep talking." Was all she said, quietly pleading with him to keep going. It wasn't... working exactly. It wasn't making the voices go away. But it gave her something to focus on. Her life line to reality.
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last online Apr 26, 2024 17:38:02 GMT -7
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May 2, 2017 20:12:37 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on May 2, 2017 20:12:37 GMT -7
@maria <3 Maria was staying calm. Her eyes were shut, which seemed to be working better than anything else so far and he planned to keep it that way. Even if Samuel had to forcibly cover her eyes, he would. Freya was sitting in the corner now, just observing with her pad of paper. Samuel didn't mind. He and his sister were fairly close, but he wasn't a person that was easily embarrassed. And he'd give her the low down later of why he kissed her. He knew his sister was curious but at the moment she was working and her main focus was this girl and why she was acting the way she was.
Maria asked, or rather told him to continue talking. He didn't mind, but as he spoke he always had to think of new things to talk about. His own experiences at Hogwarts, his songs, anything he saw out and about, his childhood, anything at all. Only for a moment, Samuel had paused when he felt Maria's hand lightly brush his own. An eyebrow rose, but he moved his free hand and grasped into hers giving it a gentle squeeze. Samuel's other hand continued to move through her hair, though this time he changed his words, and he began to sing a song.
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last online Apr 26, 2024 17:38:02 GMT -7
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May 2, 2017 21:43:54 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on May 2, 2017 21:43:54 GMT -7
@jill7
Again, Maria seemed to be completely oblivious to the fact that there was another person in the room. Even if she did know the healer was there she might not even believe they were real. Maria didn't know Samuel's sister, despite his mentioning her several times before now. If she did see the woman it was more likely that she'd think they were just a part of her hallucinations. No, she strained to focus on just Samuel. At times it was quite difficult. Where she almost drifted back into the lure of the terrifying illusions but some how Samuel would always call her back to him each time. Maria couldn't understand how that was possible but she was also completely unaware of the physical changes. She didn't know that beads of sweat would build up on her forehead as she strained to fight the urge, or how she'd tremble more, or how her eyes would start to flutter, struggling to open. She didn't know that the color drained from her skin each time the voices got too loud, or when her eyes managed to open wide enough to see something. No, she just knew that each time she almost fell back into it, he'd say something to capture her focus once more and she'd come back. It was a battle, an intense mental strain. It felt like trying to walk up a fast river, constantly being pushed back down stream but fighting back up, being pushed back again... a never ending cycle.
His hand moving closer and clasping her own helped, her fingers closing around his own. Now it felt like she had a rope to hang onto in that fast river. It wasn't quite a death grip, but it was a pretty tight hold none the less. Her grip had just started to loosen from her mind slipping away from him once more when she heard him begin to sing. It was enough to bring her back again, her grip on his hand tightening again and the color returning to her cheeks.
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last online Apr 26, 2024 17:38:02 GMT -7
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May 3, 2017 11:40:13 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on May 3, 2017 11:40:13 GMT -7
@maria <3 Samuel was unsure how long Maria wanted him there. He was sure it would be for awhile, but he wasn't expecting to stay all night long. She'd fall asleep eventually and hopefully stay that way. As he sang, his sister was in the corner continuing to write things down. Here and there she'd get up to study Maria and look at her. Samuel assumed she was timing it, seeing if the hallucinations were every couple minutes or ongoing. Samuel would have tried to ask, but decided that was for the worst.
He squeezed her hand, smiling. After his first song ended, he continued to another, but switched around here and there. From singing to just talking, only giving his voice a rest to take a sip of water. Eventually, he noticed she looked exhausted and stopped his story. "I think it's time for you to sleep."
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last online Apr 26, 2024 17:38:02 GMT -7
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May 3, 2017 17:39:54 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on May 3, 2017 17:39:54 GMT -7
@jill7
"I think it's time for you to sleep."
Maria slowly opened her eyes. It'd been... who knew how long. Since she'd pleaded with him to stay with her. How long ago was that? Her eyes had been closed this whole time, relying on the sound of his voice and the contact of on hand in her hair and the other holding her own to know he was there. Not really paying attention to what he was saying, or singing, as long as he was there. For some reason that sentence though caught her attention. She should be keeping her eyes closed, but there'd been the briefest moments of panic that he was going to leave, that his comment had been made almost as a farewell. she tried desperately to ignore the shadows at the edge of her vision and focus just on him.
Sleep, such a wonderful idea. If only she could. Her mind was exhausting from everything she was seeing, the mental strain taking a heavy toll, while her body was exhausted from the physical exertion of her constantly racing heart and fighting the restrains. It felt like she'd been running a never ending marathon all day.
Maria didn't say anything for several moments, just stared at him, squeezing his hand just a little. Why was such a simple form of contact so comforting..? Finally she opened her mouth. "I can't." was her answer. Not with all these voices and visions. Even with him here, helping her to ignore them she hadn't managed to doze for even a moment. Despite being so emotionally, mentally, and physically drained she was wide awake. Completely wide awake. "They won't let me." She finished weakly, not explaining who 'they' were, but it could only be one thing. The voices and visions.
One of the healers entered the room then, holding a potion and whispered something to Samuel's sister. It seemed the school knew this fact already and had brewed up a powerful sleeping potion. Maria had just closed her eyes again when the healer stepped up to the bed...
~time skipping to the next morning~
Getting Maria to take the sleeping potion hadn't been easy. But it might have been impossible if it weren't for Samuel's presence. He was the only one in the end that managed to get her to down it and finally, thank merlin, the girl slipped off into a dreamless sleep. Sometime in the ungodly hours of the morning she woke. Amazingly no one woke because of her .No screams. No thrashing. Just... An almost eerie stillness. Just before dawn one of the healers came to check on her. Samuel's sister had left, with a promise to return in the morning (an hour or so from he current time.) To their shock, Maria didn't move. Didn't look at them. You honestly would have thought she was still asleep if it weren't for her eyes being wide open, silent tears streaking her cheeks, her mouth moving but never letting any sound out. It didn't matter what the healer did, she did not respond or react in any way. Her eyes didn't move when a hand was waved in front of them, her body didn't react when her shoulders were shaken. Sometime after waking up Maria had sunk into one of the hallucinations, so deep that reality no longer seemed to exist. Snapping her out of it would be very, very difficult.
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last online Apr 26, 2024 17:38:02 GMT -7
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May 5, 2017 8:40:15 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on May 5, 2017 8:40:15 GMT -7
@maria <3 Maria had responded saying she couldn't go to sleep, but the healers already had a plan for when the time came. They had a strong sleeping potion ready for her, and it took a very long time to get her to swallow it. Freya had left awhile back, just as the potion was brought out. But Samuel told Maria he'd stay, and he planned to. She was an angry girl normally, and he didn't want to argue with her once she was okay again. Even so, Samuel wanted to stay. He cared about Maria, and cared about her safety especially where so was so upset. After what seemed like hours, Samuel got Maria to drink the potion, and she fell into a deep sleep. "Good night, sweet Maria."
The next morning Samuel felt groggy. It had been late when Maria finally fell asleep, and since she was in the office Samuel slept on the floor. The nurses couldn't fit a second bed in there, so he ended up getting blankets and a pillow. His back hurt and he was sore, but at least he got sleep. Yawning, Samuel stretched and groaned. He sat up, and his eyes immediately went to the bed above him to his right hand side. His work robes were folded neatly in the corner which made him smile. Though Maria was all he could think about. Samuel stood up and realized she was awake. Silent, but awake, and with tears on her face. Samuel's expression became concerned and he sat on the edge of the bed, wiping away her tears. "Good morning."
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last online Apr 26, 2024 17:38:02 GMT -7
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May 5, 2017 9:09:17 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on May 5, 2017 9:09:17 GMT -7
@jill7
Maria didn't hear him stir. Or get up. Even though her head was turned in the direction he'd gotten up from it was almost like she didn't even see him. Her eyes never moving, not even the slightest flicker from the motion. No she was so intensely watching her hallucinations that it was almost likely she couldn't even see reality at the moment. She heard it though. She'd heard that healer Earlier but hadn't even realized that they weren't a part of her hallucinations. Samuel's voice though? She knew he wasn't a part of her visions. She didn't move or really react at his touch, wiping her tears away. More would just keep coming. But her silent words, the ones she'd been mouthing to herself but never speaking finally found her voice. Quiet whispers. "He won't wake up. Why won't he wake up..? Please... please wake up. Don't go too." Maria wasn't talking to Samuel. Nor did she say who 'he' was. Whatever she was seeing... it was paralyzingly her in fear and horror the other visions had made her violent to try and escape. But this one.... this one was much different.
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last online Apr 26, 2024 17:38:02 GMT -7
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May 5, 2017 10:21:53 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on May 5, 2017 10:21:53 GMT -7
@maria <3 Samuel could tell Maria wasn't focusing on him. It wasn't that she just wasn't looking at him, but also that she didn't even react to his touch or voice. Maria's eyes continued to stare above her at the ceiling. When Samuel paid more attention to her eyes, they were quickly moving back and forth, back and forth. Maria's lips were moving, but for a moment nothing was coming out. Samuel looked closer, trying to understand what she was saying. And as he did, she whispered. His heart dropped. There was only one thing Samuel could think of that Maria was seeing. "Maria, it's not real Maria. It's a dream." His hand wiped away more tears, his voice soft.
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last online Apr 26, 2024 17:38:02 GMT -7
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May 5, 2017 10:45:35 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on May 5, 2017 10:45:35 GMT -7
@jill7
It wasn't a dream. Not to Maria. It was so clear... just as clear as the day it really happened. Since that day Maria had never spoken about what happened. Never shared the events with anyone. And she never would. Not voluntarily. It was a secret she never wanted anyone to know. Because maybe, if she was really lucky, one day she'd forget that day. If she never talked about it. Always know what happened, yes, but forget what she saw. She kept whispering those words, quietly whispering her pleas for her father to wake up and not leave too. Those pleas weren't the only things she was saying though. "Please.... just unlock the door. Please don't do this. I'm still here." Her father' suicide. That's what she was seeing. Acfually seeing. As if she were there when he did it.
Because she had been. Her father hadn't just committed suicide. He'd made her watch.
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last online Apr 26, 2024 17:38:02 GMT -7
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May 5, 2017 11:00:43 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on May 5, 2017 11:00:43 GMT -7
@maria <3 "Maria. Please Maria look at me." Samuel sounded desperate. He eventually stood up at some point, standing over her and hanging over her. Samuel took the hair tie around his wrist and put his dreads up into a bun so they didn't touch Maria. Her tears were continuing, even more now, and Samuel just kept wiping them away, trying to keep her face dry. She spoke again, different this time, but as if the hallucination wasn't just repeating, but it was going on. Like a scene that she was watching. Samuel just grabbed her cheeks with both of his hands, looking directly into her eyes. "Maria!" His voice was somewhat louder but not yelling. His heart was beating fast, and all Samuel could think of was he needed to stop this. He needed to stop whatever she was seeing, but could he do that again? Should he do that again? It was just a simple kiss, nothing to it. Samuel didn't feel that way for her, and by doing it it was helping her. Right?
Samuel swallowed nervously. "I'm sorry, Maria." He whispered quietly, and leaned forward to rest a simple kiss on her lips.
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last online Apr 26, 2024 17:38:02 GMT -7
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May 5, 2017 11:37:24 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on May 5, 2017 11:37:24 GMT -7
@jill7
Still she didn't feel anything. Or more like didn't realize there was something to feel. His hands on her cheeks, trying to pull her out of her memories. Nor did her eyes seem to see him even when he was over her. Just... saw past him. Muttering still but her voice was almost too quiet for words to be understandable.
Her name, loud in her ears, was probably the first thing that really started to pull her out of it. But a few moments later being kissed, again, was what finally managed to break the hallucination. Her eyes widened just a little, blinking rapidly. He hadn't pulled back yet, and she let out a shudder of breath against his lips, her eyes finally closing. The tears wouldn't stop, even after the hallucinations stopped, the images burned into her mind like a brand.
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last online Apr 26, 2024 17:38:02 GMT -7
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May 7, 2017 9:56:05 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on May 7, 2017 9:56:05 GMT -7
@maria <3 His apology to her wasn't because of her hallucinations. It wasn't because he couldn't do anything to help her, and it wasn't because she was helpless. It was because this was the third time Samuel was kissing her without her permission. This wasn't anything Samuel usually did. He was a respectful man and treated woman as such. But as of late, it had become obvious to him that something as simple as a kiss could bring Maria out of almost everything. His lips were as gentle as possible this time, but that didn't stop him from feeling her shudder against his mouth. Samuel slowly pulled back and when he looked down at her, her eyes were shut. His brows furrowed together and he wiped the tears away again. "Maria?"
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last online Apr 26, 2024 17:38:02 GMT -7
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May 7, 2017 10:23:35 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on May 7, 2017 10:23:35 GMT -7
@jill7
Maria felt it that time, his hands against her cheeks to wipe away the constant flow of tears. She heard her name, clear as day, no longer lost in the illusions. She didn't know what he'd heard, or what she'd said. But he was obviously bothered by the state she'd been in. "Its nothing." she whispered, her words not even close to believable. But she still tried. Still tried to pretend that she wasn't bothering by the latest hallucination. That she was fine. And yet she couldn't stop crying. It wasn't a very good lie.
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last online Apr 26, 2024 17:38:02 GMT -7
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May 7, 2017 11:34:35 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on May 7, 2017 11:34:35 GMT -7
@maria <3 He had no idea if she was back to normal. If her hallucinations were gone, if she was Maria again. But when she spoke, Samuel realized it was somewhat stronger, even if it was a whisper. Like she wasn't so afraid anymore, even though she visibly was. And while she still wasn't looking at him, he tried desperately to look at her. "Maria...this isn't nothing. It hasn't been nothing." Samuel's hand was gentle on her cheek. She looked pale, and sick, and if it was the worst possible thought, he wanted to get her food. Though he doubted she would eat. "What do you see?"
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last online Apr 26, 2024 17:38:02 GMT -7
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May 7, 2017 12:21:51 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on May 7, 2017 12:21:51 GMT -7
@jill7
Samuel saw right through her lie, reminding her that it wasn't nothing, and hadn't been the entire time. Oh she knew. None of this was normal, or pleasant in any way. His hand rested on her cheek, and then he asked the question. What was she seeing. Her eyes slowly opened, and thankfully she found his eyes quickly. There was an almost emotionless look on her expression, void of emotion. You could see the mental exhaustion though, the toll these hallucinations inactions were having. She wouldn't tell him. Not specifics. Not what she was actually seeing. "Plenty. she answered in that same soft tone. "Things that terrify me..." she knew he wouldn't accept plenty as an answer so admitting it was her fears was at least something. "Things that haunt me." she added after another moment. All because that last one wasn't a fear. That was a regret that still haunted her today. That she couldn't have stopped her father and watched him take his life.
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